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Day 95

This morning, I took a look out my front window (I live in a storefront on a busy street in Chicago) and saw something taped to it from the outside. Low and behold, someone had taped this handmade sign underneath the “Defund the Police” poster I have in the window:

Seems strange that sort of people who are so up in arms about things like “looting” would perform an open call for robbery of the home of someone with different beliefs than them. Such outrage it must have took — literally calling for violence towards me, a single woman, when these types clutch their pearls about so-called “violent protest.” Pretty hypocritical if you ask me!

Anyway, I am keeping the sign up and getting a security camera (was thinking of putting a “SMILE — YOU’RE ON CAMERA” sign above my “Defund the Police” sign). Also considering getting a gun. Not going to be intimidated or bullied by fascists, and the revolution is only just starting!

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Day 94

This morning I did some work and then brought my Dad a Father’s Day/birthday corned beef sandwich from Kaufman’s Deli. Just got back home and will spend the afternoon preparing for my interview with Hard Lens Media tonight at 6pm Central — you can watch it live on their YouTube page.

It looks like we will be talking about the 2020 Democratic National Convention, about Illinois for Bernie’s role in organizing our state’s delegation, and what’s next (including movement-based work and the Poor People’s Campaign). I haven’t done an interview like this in a while, so I am a little nervous! But it’s always good to take these opportunities to practice public speaking (something I loathe).

Wish me luck!

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Day 93

There is a person in my life that drives me absolutely bonkers by constantly saying they will do something and then not doing it (or following up to communicate a change of plans). What do others do in this situation? It totally infuriates me. Like, there is no need to say you are going to do this; simply do not create an expectation you can’t follow through with. And I hate having to call them out for it over and over. I am just truly at a loss as to what to do about this ongoing problem.

I feel like if I say nothing, I am enabling the bad behavior to continue. But when I say something, I sound like I am nagging and a feel like a broken record (and still don’t get the outcome I want).

Just trying to take deep breaths today. Very very deep breaths.

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Day 92

I think a big part of what causes resentment in relationships is when you are constantly going out on a limb, making yourself vulnerable, and/or doing a majority of labor (emotional or otherwise) and you don’t feel the other person is “stepping up” in the way they should. This causes a sense of “unfairness” or general imbalance, which leads looming resentments (at least for me). It can also make me resentful when I don’t feel like there is a forum for me to express my feelings and be heard.

Not sure where I was going with this, but there it is.

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Day 89

 

I don’t know if I mentioned in a previous post that I have been elected to serve on the 2020 Democratic National Convention (DNC) Rules Committee, representing Bernie Sanders’ campaign. I am starting to get a bit nervous because I am not familiar with the ins and the outs of the DNC, nevermind their rules! I was sent a bunch of materials to look over, to get a better understanding before I consider proposing rule changes/amendments, or before any committee meetings take place. Each document is 50+ pages long and written in legalese, so the task of comprehending it all seems a bit daunting! I plan to work on it this weekend, so I am ready for my interview on the subject on Hard Lens Media this Wednesday at 6pm. You can check it out then on their YouTube page.

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Day 88

Not sure what to write about today… I guess I am thinking about how past relationships can impact those in the present. I am thinking about how you could just *miss* someone, due to the way they (often times negatively) react to triggers from past hurt(s). And even if you have an incredible, strong connection with someone — your worlds could simply collide at an inopportune moment where they aren’t able to live mindfully with you in the present. This is why I think it is so important to be radically honest with your partner, so they have the chance to view you as a fully 3-dimensional human being — flaws and all.

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Day 87

My mom texted me today to tell me she was at Midway Airport on her way home from Melissa’s (my little sister’s) bridal shower. The funny thing is, I didn’t even know there was a bridal shower!

I told her I wasn’t aware Melissa was having/had her bridal shower, which my mom seemed surprised about (wouldn’t she notice that I wasn’t there or never said I wasn’t going?). She told me to talk to my sister about it, and I suggested perhaps it was my sister who needed to talk to me (as the oldest, it feels like I am often the one expected to “reach out” when problems arise). Then my mom (who must have texted Melissa) said she didn’t invite me because she didn’t want to upset me because my own engagement was cancelled.

???

I was upset to not be told about the bridal shower in the first place, and this is the reason why? What logic are they following? That if I am going through a hard time personally, you should exclude me from important life events? Or, that there is some sort of weird competition between us, where I can’t be happy for my sister because my own wedding didn’t go as planned?

At a loss.

To top it off, the bridal salon called me today to let me know my wedding dress is ready. They even offer curbside pickup!

Sigh.

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Day 86

Been working today on our next Illinois Poor People’s Campaign statewide call, which will be tomorrow (Wednesday, June 10) at 8pm Central!

We’ll be discussing the false moral narrative promoted here in the United States, with several faith leaders like Rabbi Andrea London and Rev. Saeed Richardson. Should be pretty interesting, and I’m proud to be a part of producing such informative calls (and calls-to-action!). For those who would like to join the discussion, you can register for the call here.