Organizer | Advocate
Today is day 15 of my self-isolation due to the coronavirus pandemic. I am an activist, organizer, and immunocompromised human living in one of the nation’s epicenters of the virus — Chicago, Illinois. Today (day 15) is the day that I decided to embrace my new reality. I have spent the past two weeks wishing that I wasn’t alone here in my apartment, wishing I was driving fast away from this place… wishing for ‘anything but’ this. But it is time to come to grips with the fact that as an immunocompromised person living in an urban center where this epidemic will only get worse — this is my world for the indefinite future. And here are my thoughts.
Woke up before 4:00am this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. So many thoughts running through my head today and feeling unsettled. Nothing seems right anymore… and my hormones are getting the best of me. Things are just feeling… bleak.
One positive thing is seeing all the uprisings happening since the murder of George Floyd… I wonder if we will really see some change when it comes to racial justice. A whole lot of folks feel like they have nothing left to lose right now…
I was up last night with really bad cramps and had to get up early to go grocery shopping before work… it seems like the special shopping hours for seniors and immunocompromised people are no longer — the store was jam packed with aggressive jerks in a rush and not practicing social distancing. This, along with my premenstrual dysphoria started me off on the wrong foot today… and then I came home to hear news of the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis.
The flagrant disregard for human life is staggering. It is all around us. There are huge swaths of people in this country that we have decided are undeserving of life. This is not the “new normal” — more like the abnormal norm. Perhaps many are just seeing it now for the first time.
Woke up this morning to find a request from my employer to complete a survey about safety and social distancing in our office once we return to work. Admittedly I was a little surprised that they would even ask us questions like, “do you think leadership cares for your safety needs?” or “is there anything you need to feel safe upon returning to work at the office?”… and I felt motivated to submit my input as these concerns have been in the front of my mind.
I was disappointed, however, to find that the survey was not anonymous. So you can choose to respond honestly, but you have to attach your name and department to your response. Which in these times, when so many are losing their jobs, seems like a hinderance towards being honest and forthcoming about a worker’s concerns regarding their health and safety. Many are scared and simply don’t want to “rock the boat.”
I did respond honestly (for the most part), but held back the intensity of my thoughts on a couple questions. I hope it helps somehow. Really wondering how this transition towards “opening up” will go, as everything seems so uncertain…
Feeling anxious… not sure why exactly. I went out earlier to go to the post office and spent about 30 minutes waiting in a crowded line before ultimately leaving. It just didn’t feel safe. I am worried about things opening up too quickly without social distancing and masks being the norm. And when will we truly know how many more people are sick when we don’t have adequate testing?
My Dad just asked for my help in getting him a new doctor’s note so he can continue to stay out on leave due to his underlying conditions… but there hasn’t even been a shelter-in-place extension, or clear guidelines for those at greater risk (myself included).
It honestly feels scarier today than it did during the first couple weeks.
My way of honoring those we have lost on Memorial Day this year:
This blog entry was intentionally left blank.
This blog entry was intentionally left blank.
I was feeling pretty lonely the last couple of days… was busy with work and political organizing (and self-care!), but the isolation got to me a little. Zoom meetings simply aren’t the same!
Was happy that when I checked in with my friends the Kaufmans (Rebecca and Barry) that they were down for a distance walk this evening, during the small window of pleasant weather we had. Feels a million times better being able to talk to pals in-person, even if at a distance.
From now on whenever I see someone wearing a mask, I will say, “thank you for your service.”
Because those are the folks who are truly opting to be uncomfortable for the greater good. These are the people who deserve our appreciation — along with cashiers, public transit workers, doctors, nurses and food industry workers. They have been uncomfortable this whole time.
This whole “opening up” business, combined with the entitled rage I am seeing around the country (when people are asked to simply do their part to protect the most vulnerable), has been disconcerting to say the least. Is being a little uncomfortable that much of a fucking inconvenience when others are losing their lives?
Only in America.
Getting nervous that our shelter-at-home order has not been extended into June yet here in Illinois… just hearing more and more chatter of everything opening up to “help small businesses.” Yet the death toll each day just climbs and climbs — and that is under the order.
What is going to happen once the shelter-in-place order is lifted? It doesn’t take a scientist to tell you that (but is anyone listening to scientists or those most impacted anyway?).
This is what I have to ask all of those electeds who are supposed to be acting in our best interest, and all those who “can’t wait” because they are “sooooo tired of being cooped up”…
What is the number of dead Americans you are comfortable with?