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Day 109

Catching up on work today after a successful Illinois Poor People’s Campaign Statewide Call last night. The Rev. Dr. Liz Theoharis did an amazing job laying out the PPC vision for what’s next, and we heard some amazing reflections from impacted folks across the state on our June 20th Mass Poor People’s Assembly and Moral March Digital Gathering.

I did get a bit frazzled this morning though — struggled through our Development department meeting. My boss said she wanted me to come back to work at the office again to “regain a sense of normalcy.” I felt put on the spot being that this was a group call and not a private discussion, but said I was hesitant to go back at this point because I don’t feel our work environment is safe for me. Then after the meeting, I called her and spoke with her privately about how I don’t trust the reasoning behind states opening up again, and am concerned it is more about what is good for business rather than public health. She was understanding and said she would be flexible, so hopefully we can figure it out.

It is just ridiculous the lack of leadership we have in this country, and that folks are being put in these scenarios where they have to rationalize and advocate for their own health and well being. Guess I should get used to it — this pandemic won’t be going away anytime soon!

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Day 101

Tried to make an appointment for my third COVID-19 test today and was denied. I called the hotline only to find out that the “free” testing being touted by the city is limited to two tests, and that they won’t be testing individuals on an ongoing basis.

I am at a complete loss — if anything we should be doing massive amounts of testing on an ongoing basis. This pandemic has only begun!

Trying to stay positive, but our leadership has truly failed us. And are literally killing us.

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Day 100

Today is my hundredth day sheltering in place. Wow. Honestly having a hard time remembering my life before this all. Maybe that is a good thing?

It’s wild thinking that just a few months ago I would have laughed if you described my life today.

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Day 96

Excitedly doing some last minute preparation for tomorrow’s big Mass Poor People’s Assembly and (Digital) Moral March, which is an event that the Poor People’s Campaign has been building towards for the past year. It will take place during two broadcasts — the first at 9:00am CDT and the second at 5:00pm CDT (you can watch it on MSNBC as well as via the Poor People’s Campaign’s Facebook page where it will be livestreamed). And if you miss those two, there will be one final broadcast Sunday at 5:00pm CDT.

It is our goal that this will be the “largest digital and social media gathering of poor and low-wealth people, moral and religious leaders, advocates, and people of conscience in this nation’s history.” Please join us by registering now at: june2020.org.

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DAY 75

Woke up before 4:00am this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. So many thoughts running through my head today and feeling unsettled. Nothing seems right anymore… and my hormones are getting the best of me. Things are just feeling… bleak.

One positive thing is seeing all the uprisings happening since the murder of George Floyd… I wonder if we will really see some change when it comes to racial justice. A whole lot of folks feel like they have nothing left to lose right now…

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Day 74

I was up last night with really bad cramps and had to get up early to go grocery shopping before work… it seems like the special shopping hours for seniors and immunocompromised people are no longer — the store was jam packed with aggressive jerks in a rush and not practicing social distancing. This, along with my premenstrual dysphoria started me off on the wrong foot today… and then I came home to hear news of the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis.

The flagrant disregard for human life is staggering. It is all around us. There are huge swaths of people in this country that we have decided are undeserving of life. This is not the “new normal” — more like the abnormal norm. Perhaps many are just seeing it now for the first time.

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Day 73

Woke up this morning to find a request from my employer to complete a survey about safety and social distancing in our office once we return to work. Admittedly I was a little surprised that they would even ask us questions like, “do you think leadership cares for your safety needs?” or “is there anything you need to feel safe upon returning to work at the office?”… and I felt motivated to submit my input as these concerns have been in the front of my mind.

I was disappointed, however, to find that the survey was not anonymous. So you can choose to respond honestly, but you have to attach your name and department to your response. Which in these times, when so many are losing their jobs, seems like a hinderance towards being honest and forthcoming about a worker’s concerns regarding their health and safety. Many are scared and simply don’t want to “rock the boat.”

I did respond honestly (for the most part), but held back the intensity of my thoughts on a couple questions. I hope it helps somehow. Really wondering how this transition towards “opening up” will go, as everything seems so uncertain…

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Day 72

Feeling anxious… not sure why exactly. I went out earlier to go to the post office and spent about 30 minutes waiting in a crowded line before ultimately leaving. It just didn’t feel safe. I am worried about things opening up too quickly without social distancing and masks being the norm. And when will we truly know how many more people are sick when we don’t have adequate testing?

My Dad just asked for my help in getting him a new doctor’s note so he can continue to stay out on leave due to his underlying conditions… but there hasn’t even been a shelter-in-place extension, or clear guidelines for those at greater risk (myself included).

It honestly feels scarier today than it did during the first couple weeks.

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Day 67

From now on whenever I see someone wearing a mask, I will say, “thank you for your service.”

Because those are the folks who are truly opting to be uncomfortable for the greater good. These are the people who deserve our appreciation — along with cashiers, public transit workers, doctors, nurses and food industry workers. They have been uncomfortable this whole time.

This whole “opening up” business, combined with the entitled rage I am seeing around the country (when people are asked to simply do their part to protect the most vulnerable), has been disconcerting to say the least. Is being a little uncomfortable that much of a fucking inconvenience when others are losing their lives?

I’m no expert, but pretty sure deliberately spreading a deadly virus no longer qualifies as “my body.”

Only in America.