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Day 33

I started the day off scared and infuriated. Every morning at work, we typically attend something called “Stand Up” — which entails everyone in the office congregating in the lunchroom to read directives from our organization aloud. Not everyone attends, but it is good to do once in a while to make sure you don’t miss any major announcements that the organization slips in.

Since the shelter-in-place began, we were told to read these daily announcements by logging into our organization’s “intranet.” I am not sure I have ever done this, never mind knowing how to do so from home. But today, our office’s Executive Assistant happened to forward it to us. And I just happened to open the attachment.

On the bottom half of the page, couched between other mundane HR blurbs:

“We are excited to announce we will be switching to a new medical carrier!”

…with no other relevant details.

Less than a year ago, they ended all of the HMO plans under our current carrier, so everyone had to move over to a PPO. I just got caught up on transitioning from my HMO plan to a PPO (and fixing all related billing problems) — and now they are changing carriers on us?

These kinds of switches are extremely difficult for people with chronic illnesses, not to mention coping with the uncertainty regarding changes to co-pays, deductibles, co-insurance and out-of-pocket expenses. I easily spent dozens of hours on hold over the past 10 months trying to understand all of my benefit and billing changes.

I also spent thousands on procedures at the beginning of this year thinking that I will reach my out-of-pocket threshold early on, to get less expensive care (minus co-pays, deductibles, co-insurance and out-of-pocket expenses) during the second half of the year. What happens to that “out-of-pocket maximum” now, given that our carrier will change on June 1st?

Reason 1,277,903 why we need Medicare for All now.

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Day 32

I talked to my Nana today, who was just diagnosed with COVID-19 and is now in the hospital. I kept thinking to myself: how, in the richest country in the world, are we letting our most vulnerable people suffer and/or die in this way?

Nana also has Alzheimer’s, so while is aware she is in the hospital, she doesn’t seem to understand the full situation. Her primary complaints were about how hot her room is and that she hasn’t been able to see anyone. She also said not many people have called, because she doesn’t think they know where she is.

She isn’t even aware that she has tested positive for COVID-19.

Imagine, suffering from dementia and being sent to a hospital where you are isolated and can’t see any loved ones, and you don’t fully understand what is happening (as you fight for your life). This thought sickens me. No one should have to go through this. And so much of it could have been avoided.

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Day 31

We need Medicare for All now.

It is complete insanity that even the concept of employment-based healthcare exists in this country. Is this the “American Exceptionalism” we hear so much about? That only in America, are people afraid to go to the doctor or emergency room when they are sick, for fear of financial repercussions?

National Nurses United members rally for Medicare for All in front of the Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America in Washington (Photo By Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call)

Just since the coronavirus pandemic hit the U.S. about 4 weeks ago, over 22 million people have registered for unemployment. Many of these people will have also lost their health insurance, which is largely tied to one’s employer. So how are people supposed to attend to their health during a global pandemic, if their ability to access healthcare is tied to a job they just lost?

The answer is they can’t.

Healthcare should be a human right, not a privilege. At the very least we need to walk out of this disaster with universal healthcare.

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Day 30

Just thinking today about how transient human relationships are. And about how truly strange and unpredictable they can be.

People can be so mercurial; it’s really a wonder that we have a functioning society at all.

Oh wait…

So when do you allow yourself be vulnerable, and when don’t you? What is that “healthy” point where you aren’t closing yourself off to love, relationships or opportunities… and you aren’t making hasty decisions either? How do you know what a “healthy” amount of time is to invest in working on a relationship with someone… and when it becomes more trouble than it is worth? How do you ever really know you can trust someone (can you ever really know)?

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Day 29

Having some complicated feelings today.

I just found out that my Nana has tested positive for COVID-19. She lives in a nursing home in Massachusetts.

I don’t know much more than that right now, or if anyone else on that side of my family has contracted the virus (because they have been in contact with her). Right now I am feeling guilty, because my mother (who I have a strained relationship with) was pestering me the other day to call Nana… and I flipped out on her. She just kept calling and messaging and calling in the middle of my work day and I snapped. (More on my Mom later.)

My feelings about Nana are complicated too — we don’t have much of a relationship. I also struggle with the way she would condone or turn a blind eye to abuse when we were growing up.

Regardless of what has happened in the past, I would never want a family member (or anyone) to go through a health crisis like this. Hence my guilt.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for today. Not sure what more to say other than: this is hard.

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Day 28

Today on the “Day 15” podcast, I discussed the criminal Hilco Redevelopment Partners’ smokestack implosion this morning in Chicago’s Little Village neighborhood, and how leadership is responsible for the subsequent dust cloud (which will no doubt impact the health of residents during the coronavirus pandemic). You can listen to the podcast here.

Little Village, Chicago –April 12, 2020 (Photo by Colin Boyle)
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Day 27

Tonight I organized an Illinois for Bernie “Unhappy Hour” (via Zoom Conference), as a forum for fellow Bernie supporters to share how they are feeling about Bernie dropping out of the presidential race, and to begin to talk about our future as a movement. It was really great to see everyone’s faces… and folks had so much to say that I had to finally cut the call off after 2 hours!

It was interesting to hear the range of emotions people are struggling with, as well as the wide variety of ideas folks have for moving forward. People mentioned joining organizations like: Democratic Socialists of America (DSA), Progressive Democrats of America (PDA), Our Revolution, United Working Families and other local independent political organizations. They talked about the importance of running for office and strategies around that. I, along with a couple others, talked about the great potential we see in the Poor People’s Campaign: a National Call for a Moral Revival. And some said the most important thing we can do right now is push for Medicare for All, especially given where we are at with the coronavirus pandemic.

There were no right answers, and there is no “right way” to grieve. But it always feels good to come together with like-minded folks to share and commune.

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Day 26

Today I am thinking about poverty and all those struggling across the state due to lack of income, food and housing insecurity, lack of healthcare… and thinking about those who don’t have the privilege to stay home right now. I have been working on producing the very first Illinois Poor People’s Campaign (IL PPC) statewide action call, where we will talk about systemic poverty and hear testimonies from those most impacted by the coronavirus and surrounding “policy violence.”

I have been a member of the IL PPC Coordinating Committee for over a year now, but during this statewide shelter-in-place order it became abundantly clear that we need a way for the various groups across the state to speak out to the public and make direct calls-to-action.

Today I am feeling a little less depressed, and am putting my energy into this much needed cause. I hope if you’re reading this that you will join the call this Wednesday, April 15th at 8:00pm Central time. You can register for it here.

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Day 25

TFW your mother (who didn’t raise you) texts you over and over demanding that you call your Nana (whom you have no relationship with, has never had any interest in your life and who was totally down with men abusing women/children when you were growing up), whilst you are trying your best to survive a mental health crisis in the middle of a pandemic. 🤷

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Day 24

Bye bye Bernie.

I heard the news this morning that Bernie dropped out of the presidential race, which was hard. I have been extremely involved in the “Bernie movement” since before he initially launched his 2016 campaign, and have never really stopped. On the bright side, I had contact with a decent amount of Bernie folks today… so things felt less lonely.

Bernie Sanders hits the stage at his 2016 presidential campaign kickoff in Burlington, Vermont –May 26, 2015 (Photo by Shana East)

I decided to record another episode of the “Day 15” podcast today, because a bunch of my fellow Bernie supporters left messages about how they were feeling in light of his announcement (you can leave me a message too at: anchor.fm/theshanaeast — just click on the “Message” button). You can listen to today’s podcast episode here.

Just a few Bernie Bros at the 2017 People’s Summit in Chicago. I’m on the left!